


My Last Secret

by PhantomCookie



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-25
Updated: 2016-05-25
Packaged: 2018-06-10 14:47:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6961267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhantomCookie/pseuds/PhantomCookie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is an AU where instead of Rick & Morgan going to look for Carol we get what we REALLY wanted which is Daryl (And sorry Morgan, too) looking for Carol, when she runs away. This is a redo of East & the Beginning of Last Day on Earth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Last Secret

**Author's Note:**

> -First of all I'm assuming you know the show so I am not going to be explaining a lot of things.
> 
> -I don't mention the Kingdom at all because they won't end up going to the Kingdom
> 
> -I apologize in advance for Morgan, he is just as annoying as in the show because he says a lot of the same things that he said to Rick, in a remixed way, but they are important so don't skip him entirely! I do promise to give you a little emotional payoff for suffering through Morgan.

Daryl's head was pounding, but he was relishing the pain. It was fueling him forward, drove the hatred that he needed to do what he had to do. Gotta kill that bastard, fix what I messed up, for Denise, for all of them. He didn't really bother to pack supplies, knew he was being reckless, and did not give a shit. His pain was a monster that attacked without reasoning.

Daryl was on his bike about to leave Alexandria when saw some movement out of the corner of his eye. Rick was walking quickly, and looked worried. Morgan approached him, and they were discussing something animatedly. It piqued his interest, momentarily, and if it hadn't he'd have been long gone. Daryl almost left anyway. It would have been a good opportunity to slip off while they were distracted, but something stopped him. The hatred surged as he saw that guy that Carol had been spending time with lately.

At once, everyone in the group looked at Daryl. Guess it's too late for a hasty exit, Daryl thought.

 

Morgan stalked over to Rick and Tobin. He was concerned about Carol, and when he saw them talking he knew something was wrong. She was usually sitting on the porch in the morning, and he understood she was not mentally doing well, although he had no way to approach her with all that had happened between them.

Morgan took the letter and perused it quickly, “We better tell Daryl.” He said motioning to the man idling on his motorcycle a safe distance from the gate.

Rick looked at Daryl and then dropped his gaze, feeling guilt wash over him remembering the last time he had to tell Daryl that Carol was gone from the prison. The guilt already fresh in his mind from the letter.

The group walked over to Daryl who was glaring at them sullenly already. “What's going on?” Daryl growled at them.

“You better read this,” Morgan said, handing the letter to Daryl, who eyed him suspiciously and snatched the paper from his hand. He read it.

“Fuck!” Daryl said crumpling the note into a little ball as if it could change the situation. “Where did you get this?”

“She left it for Tobin,” Rick said thumbing toward the big man standing there.

Daryl's face was inscrutable, and he said, “Who the fuck is Tobin?” spitting on the ground. Daryl knew who Tobin was. He was furious, hurt, and devastated, and still reeling with anger over Denise. Now his heart was sinking into his stomach over Carol. Losing Denise was a blow, but losing Carol would end him. When no one answered, he said. “While y'all are standing around, I'm going to find her.”

“Wait,” Morgan said putting a hand on Daryl's shoulder, “I'll go with you. We should take a car, for when we find her. Rick should stay here and tell the others, and keep watch.” Morgan paused, “We will find her, Daryl”

Daryl looked down disgustedly at Morgan's hand and just as Rick was sure he would have to diffuse the situation Daryl agreed.

 

Morgan was driving, mainly because Daryl smelled like he'd been drinking. Daryl hadn't said a word since they found out the tire tracks were pointed East. So far, they had seen no sign of Carol, and he sensed the extreme agitation in the other man.

The only reason Daryl had allowed Morgan to come along with him was because his head wasn't where he needed it to be, and he had seen Morgan fight. Morgan had taken out a herd of walkers by himself, so if they got into a bad situation he knew he was able.

Morgan looked over and saw Daryl pulling out the crumpled paper from his pocket and reading over it again, then he smoothed it out, folded it neatly and put it back in his pocket. Morgan finally broke the silence, “She can't kill anymore.”

That scared Daryl because it made her vulnerable out here, he grumbled, “Ya don't know her.”

“I got to, a little,” Morgan said, “but I'm telling you this because she's not running away from you.”

Daryl looked Morgan in the eye, “Course she ain't running away from me.” That was exactly how it felt to him to him though. He felt like she was running away from him just as she tried to at the church. He felt betrayed by her, that she had left a note for another man - someone she barely knew.

“She's trying to run away from what she's done,” Morgan said, “And she can't. I know.”

“Why do ya even care?” Daryl snapped.

“Because I care about Carol, and I care about you, too,” Morgan said, “You helped me find Rick. I never forgot that, and I'll help you find Carol. Everything gets a return.”

 

Daryl felt sick as they approached the car Carol took. He could see bodies, felt his chest tightening, and his eyes burning, and vaguely thought this must be what having a panic attack was. He could barely make his legs move, but as they made their way around he found no sign of her.

All of the bodies were men, one of which was still barely alive. Daryl grabbed the man's shirt, “Tell me where Carol went?” The man was unwilling or unable, and Daryl started slamming his head into the pavement, repeatedly. He couldn't stop even though the man was dead. He felt like he was on the brink of losing it totally, right in front of Morgan, and he didn't care.

Morgan stood back, hovering over Daryl as he exhausted himself, and together they noticed some blood puddling on the ground. Daryl whimpered, trying to convince himself that the blood was from one of the men. He was getting distracted and he knew he had to be sharp to find her.

Morgan was following the blood trail up to a field, “Trail goes this way.”

Daryl hurried to catch up to Morgan as they headed into the field. He was used to taking the lead in tracking, but his head was fuzzy. They walked side by side not speaking except to point out some more blood, every time making Daryl wince.

Inwardly, Daryl felt proud that she had defended himself against the men. She was very smart, and very able. It was encouraging to him momentarily, but now that she might be injured he was wondering how much blood she could lose. He was even wondering if they were following her trail or another of those men. Daryl's mind spiraled downward.

Morgan interrupted his misery, “So you're out looking for Carol, because she's your friend?”

Daryl grunted his ascent.

“Only a friend?” Morgan asked.

“Nah, more than that, she's saved my life, more than once,” Daryl said.

“I heard from the people around town what she did for you, how she saved all of you from the cannibals,” Morgan said, “She saved everyone in Alexandria, too, I was there that day, but I noticed that Tobin didn't volunteer to find her?”

Daryl's eyes flashed hot anger at that man's name. Was Morgan mocking him? Carol had rescued him at Terminus, but she had saved him long before that, back on the farm, on one of the worst days of Daryl's life. The day he was looking for Sophia, and fell on his own arrow. He was losing it that day, and she brought him back, with a kiss on the forehead and some reassuring words. Carol always knew how to bring him back on his worst days. She made him feel like he was something.

She needed him now and he was not there for her. He had been so wrapped up in his own shit, and there was a distance between them that he didn't know how to bridge, so he let it lie, hoping it would fix itself. Now she was gone, maybe injured, maybe dead. Fuck.

They were approaching a farm and both noticed at the same moment, a walker, away ahead. It was a female, about Carol's size. They both started running. Daryl could feel his heart pounding, and could barely breath as they approached. Oh, God, Jesus, please, please don't be her. Morgan took out the walker with his staff and the both exchanged relieved glances as they realized it was not Carol. Thank you.

They continued onto the farm, and Morgan stopped.

“Come on,” Daryl urged, gruffly

“I've got to tell you something, Daryl,” Morgan said. “When those people, the Wolves, attacked I found one of them. He'd attacked me on the road, before, and I stopped him, and I let him live. He was hiding in Alexandria when I found him so I stopped him again, and I could have killed him.”

Daryl fidgeted, wanting to get on with their search. He shifted back and forth between his left and right leg, wondering where it was all going.

“But all life is precious. I put him in the cellar because I knew he could change. We all can change. When the walls came down and the walkers came in Carol found out, and she was angry.”

“Shit,” Daryl said disgustedly. Why didn't she tell me any of this? He felt he was missing the point of the story, “Why would you keep one of them animals? Carol was right to be pissed.”

“Carol was angry,” He repeated, “And she came after the Wolf to kill him, and we fought. We physically fought, and I hurt her. I knocked her unconscious in the scuffle.”

Daryl didn't think, but his fist flew on it's own knocking Morgan into the dirt, shouting, “You Prick!” Morgan scooted backward as Daryl approached him and grabbed the collar of Morgan's shirt.

“Daryl,” Morgan said, “You can punch me again if it helps. I deserve it. I know I do, but I won't allow you to kill me.”

Daryl dropped Morgan's collar, and stood up. He wasn't going to kill him. He didn't even punch him again. His rage was a searing hot missile looking for a target, and if he started hitting Morgan he didn't know if he could stop. He rubbed his forehead - frustrated, sad, broken, “Why are ya tellin' me this?”

Morgan stood up and dusted himself off, “I have a lot of regret about what happened. I didn't mean for it to happen like that. That Wolf, he escaped and took Denise hostage, but they were swarmed by the walker herd that broke into Alexandria, and that man-that killer - he saved her life.”

“Lotta good it did Denise!” Daryl paced back and forth, “When I was split off from Alexandria out on the road while them Wolves were attacking I wanted to go back to help. I wanted to, but I didn't! I got split up and I was out there in the woods in the burnt out forest, and a group put a gun to my head, tied me up! I even tried to help them! I shouda killed them! When we went out yesterday that same guy shot Denise, and now she's dead!”

“The fact is the fact. I did what I did, I let him live, and you did the same. Everything gets a return, Daryl,” Morgan said, “That man killed Denise and that is not your fault. He will get a return on that just as you will get a return on saving him. I saved the Wolf and he saved Denise, and Denise was alive to save Carl. It's all a circle.”

“Tell me any good that's come out of this, fer me,” Daryl challenged, his hair falling in front of his eyes. He felt exhausted, and mentally drained.

“You know you are in love with Carol, now” Morgan said bluntly.

Daryl didn't respond. He didn't want to argue. It all seemed so stupid, all of the waiting, and the fear of saying anything. There was truly something to fear in this world and it was losing the ones you loved, and you held onto them tightly and for as long as possible. He realized he had been foolish, and worried he'd not have the chance now. He replied, “and now she's gone.”

“She needs you,” Morgan said, “This life, it's all about people.”

Morgan leaned on his staff looking at Daryl, while he processed what he'd said.

“There's another thing,” Morgan said, “Why were you out with Denise? What did she die for?”

“We were tryin' to find medicine, medical supplies,” Daryl said, “Found some, too.”

Morgan nodded, “You might need that medicine, Daryl.”

Daryl looked at Morgan solemnly, and said “Go home. Take the car, you'll need it. Go back to Rick, and tell him I'm close to finding her.”

“You will probably still need my help. It's getting late,” Morgan ventured.

“I'm close to finding her,” Daryl said, flatly. His deer hunting had prepared him for this. He didn't admit that he knew they were close because she had lost too much blood. He would find her, or he'd find a body, but he didn't want Morgan with him when he did.

Morgan seemed to understand and asked,“Are you coming back?”

“I'll try,” Daryl said, shrugging.

Morgan nodded, and they parted ways.

“You're still a prick,” Daryl yelled over his shoulder.

Morgan laughed and waved goodbye over his.

 

Dusk fell and Daryl had to hole up in a shed for the night. He pressed on as long as he could, but found no sign of Carol, and the trail was getting weaker. He didn't want to stop, but he couldn't track well in the dark, and he didn't want to start going the wrong way.

He was up at first light, had barely slept anyway. He hated the thought of her out by herself all night. As he followed the trail he came across a horse standing in a field. He looked around for an owner, but no one was around. The creature was beautiful, and he walked to the horse which was saddled and bridled, and never moved. The horse let him pet her mane and rub between her ears.

Daryl took this as a sign of hope, and his mood lifted slightly. He decided not to ride the horse, to better follow Carol's trail. Anyway, the last time he had ridden a horse he'd been thrown. He knew if he found Carol she might need the horse if walking was difficult for her. He would give it to her. If she's alive.

 

The town was quaint, and at the end of the road there was a library, which was strewn with bodies, mangled and freshly killed. Then he saw her. He almost cried out, but he was afraid that if it was a dream she would evaporate. If it wasn't a dream, she would run away. She was slumped down in the door frame, looking fragile, not moving.

Daryl tied up the horse, and went to her, ran to her, he was shaking all over. Was she dead? Was she dying? Was she bit? Daryl knew real terror then - the hope he had now that he found her swelling in his chest, and the fear it would be dashed as he stepped toward her. He could see she was breathing as he approached her. She looked up at him, without moving.

“Daryl,” she whispered, “I told you not to come.”

“Yeah,” Daryl mumbled, “Well, I told you to stay safe. Guess neither of us listens.”

Remarkably, she half smiled, but she was weak, and Daryl was very concerned.

“Show me,” Daryl said.

Carol stretched out and showed a stab wound at her side, and said, “Met some guys on the road, and one of them stabbed me.”

“Is that all?”

“Isn't that enough,” Carol said.

Daryl could take her attitude. He was just relieved that she hadn't been bitten, and he could probably bandage her up, “Let's get ya inside.”

He found a way into the library, propping up the door and then very gingerly picked her up. She sighed in pain. Daryl furrowed his brow, and kept mumbling how sorry he was for hurting her. He went as slow as he could. She laid her head on his chest, and Daryl noticed, not for the first time, how delicate she was. With her being injured he felt he could easily shatter her.

Daryl laid her carefully on a small sofa, and rubbed the hair off of her forehead, “You stay here, I'm going to secure this place.” Carol gave a small nod.

Daryl walked around the building, and secured the exits best he could and searched the office for any supplies. He thankfully found a small first aid kit and some granola bars, but if they were here any time at all he knew he would need water. As he pondered this, he heard a noise from the other room, he rushed back in to Carol.

“What are you doing?” he eyed her suspiciously noticing a stack of books toppled over. She was sitting up, “Ya need to lie down, I found some things,” he waived the first aid kit in front of her.

Carol sighed and laid back, “You're not going to take no for an answer, are you?”

“Why're ya tryin' to leave again?” Daryl countered. “We don't have to go back there, if you don't want to, jus' don't leave.”

“I wasn't going to leave,” Carol said but couldn't meet his eye.

Daryl let it drop, for now. He pulled out the first aid kit, and got out a bandage, “Lift up yer...” he trailed off nervously and motioned to her shirt. He was blushing in spite of himself.

Carol could not help but smile at that.

Daryl knelt down beside Carol. She looked pale from the loss of blood. He looked at the angry slash in her side, wounds he could deal with but not on her. He tentatively touched her skin, and couldn't help but notice the beauty of it. Carol tensed, and he rasped, “I'll be careful.”

Of course he had touched Carol before but to Daryl this was such an intimate moment that he was nervous and his hands were trembling as he very carefully cleaned her wound, which was deeper than he thought. Her eyes welled up with tears, and she tightly gripped his shoulder, digging her fingers in with the pain. He blew on it to take the sting away, “Sorry,” he said looking her in the eyes.

“It's fine. It's my fault for getting stabbed,” Carol said flatly.

Daryl chuckled quietly and unwrapped a bandage, “Yeah, why'd ya go and do that?”

The silence fell around them as he tenderly taped the bandage on her soft skin. He traced her fingers down her side to her navel, making her shiver, and rested his fingertips on her belly for a moment. He was tempted, impulsively to kiss her there, but he didn't. He pulled her shirt back down instead, and looked up at her. Looking at her made him ache with sadness, and longing.

“Thanks,” Carol said quietly.

“Maybe you should get some rest,” Daryl suggested, “I'll keep watch.”

“It's pretty secure,” Carol offered.

“Nah, I don't think we can stay here long. It's not safe. Do you know what happened with them men outside?” Daryl knew the bodies were fresh, but the brutality of what happened out there concerned him more than he wanted to tell Carol.

“No,” she said, “Whatever happened, happened before I came across it.”

“I think you are going to need stitches,” Daryl said tentatively, and remembering what Morgan said “and medicine. We got lots of medicine the other day, and it will stop any infection.”

“I don't care. I'm not going back,” Carol said.

“We don't have to stay,” Daryl said desperately, “I can even do stitches, but we need the medicine, and who knows if we will find some.”

Carol crossed her arms. It was settled when she walked out the gate, and she was going to try to convince Daryl to go back without her, even though she knew he'd feel obligated to stay.

“You'll get sick. You could die!” Daryl raised his voice.

“Then let me die,” Carol said, and she immediately regretted it when she saw the hurt flash in Daryl's eyes.

Daryl stalked out of the room. She heard slamming noises, things falling to the floor, and muffled swearing, and then he was back in the room suddenly right in her face, “I can take a lot from ya! Push me away, leave me, and I'll forgive ya. I'll forgive a lot of things, but I'll not forgive ya killin' yerself. Don't talk like that anymore. How would it make you feel if I said that?” He paused, looking down at his feet and finishing quietly, “Or maybe ya don't care about that neither.”

He chanced a look at Carol and her eyes were filled with tears.

Daryl looked away as he spoke, “I know I ain't high on the list of people you care about right now...”

“Daryl,” she interrupted softly, “You are at the top of the list.”

He cleared his throat, “Then why'd ya leave, why'd ya not tell me...”

“I knew you'd stop me, and I had to go, I can't kill people anymore.”

Now Daryl was cruel, “How is that working out for ya?”

Carol started to cry recalling that soon as she had made it out of the walls she had been forced to kill to save her own life. It was this world that was corrupt. She knew that her logic was flawed, but she wanted to believe that there was a way to escape the pain. If she could believe her lies, then maybe the last time she killed would be the last time she killed.

“Daryl, if you love someone, you have to kill for them to keep them safe. I can't kill anymore, and I don't want to be digging your grave next, do you see?” she asked plaintively.

“Yeah, I see,” Daryl said grabbing onto her fingertips softly with his own, “Because yer right. I would kill for ya, and that would be fine, because anyone who wants to kill you does not deserve to live.And I don't want to be diggin' your grave either.”

They looked each other in the eyes.

“I love you, Carol.” he said, squeezing her hand for emphasis.

“I know,” Carol said, “and of course I love you, too, which is why I can't be around you, or Rick, or Maggie...anyone.”

“No,” Daryl said, “That's bullshit, and ya ain't listening to me. You and me are family, and I love ya like family, too. But I'm in love with you, Carol.” He dropped his eyes.

Carol was stunned at his confession, and she didn't know what to say in return. His words were making her feel panicked on the inside, trapped. She didn't want to hurt his feelings, but in the back of her mind she was already planning her escape.

“I would kill for ya, I would die for ya, I would do anything for ya. I will leave them all to stay with ya,” Daryl admitted, “Just please, let me.”

“I don't want you to die for me, or kill for me,” Carol said shaking her head, “Or leave Rick.”

Daryl was very disappointed in her response. He sat down on the floor with his back to the couch, “Is it that guy?”

“Who? Tobin?” Carol asked

Fuckin' Tobin. “Yeah,” he pulled out the letter from his pocket and unfolded it handing it to her. “Morgan gave me this, said you left it for that asshole.”

“He's not an asshole...”

“He ain't here, is he? Never offered to find you, but important enough to ya to leave a letter to,” Daryl was suddenly enraged again, “You love him?”

Carol was quiet for a while and then said, “No, I don't love him. I think that makes me horrible, but it's true. I left him.”  
“Well, ya left us all,” Daryl said. They were silent for awhile. He tried to push back the hurt and be there for her, instead of petting his own ego, “What do you need? What can I do to help? Don't say “nothin'” neither. I want you to think about what you need, and tell me.”

Carol did as she was told and thought about things for a long while. She didn't want him to see who she was. She was ashamed of who she'd become. A part of her wanted his love, but knew she didn't deserve it. She finally spoke, “What I need is for you to leave, to go back to Alexandria. Be happy, have a good life, forget about me, find a good woman.”

Daryl put his head in his hands, and they were silent for awhile.

He finally grumbled and said shyly, “I've found a good woman, if she'd have me.”

“Daryl,” She tilted her head sympathetically, “You don't know what I've done. You don't know who I am. You think I'm the same woman you knew at the prison, but she's gone. You love a ghost.”

“I know who ya are, and ya ain't bad. Yer the best person I know,” Daryl said, “I've known you 'bout two years and I've never seen you do one thing for yerself. Ya make sure everyone else gets taken care of, and you take care of yerself last, if at all. I've seen ya give up yer dinner when there wasn't enough. Everything you've ever done is to protect someone else. There's nothing bad in that.”

“I've killed 24 people, that I can count,” Carol admitted.

“How many people do you think I've killed?” Daryl asked looking away, “I sure as hell haven't kept a count, but it's a lot more.”

Carol hadn't considered it before and her heart ached for him. She reached down and stroked his hair. He looked up at her, “Don't feel bad for me! See, this is what I'm saying, even when you're hurtin' yer tryin' to comfort me.”

Carol sighed, “Guess you are right. You're right about a lot of things.”

“Tell me what you've been hiding from me,” Daryl pleaded.

And she did, and once she started it all spilled out. She told about Karen and David and how it felt like the right thing to do at the time, but haunted her since. She told him how she had felt when she was banished by Rick, and meeting up with Tyrese. She told him about the horrors she faced in Terminus, and how scared she was when she found his crossbow but couldn't find him. She told him about the day the Wolves attacked, and how much guilt she carried from everything that happened. She told him about Morgan, and the Alpha Wolf.

Daryl sat on the floor with his back against the couch listening. Letting her get it all out, as she absently played with his hair. He admitted to her that Morgan had helped him track her down and already told him about what happened with the Wolf.

“I didn't kill 'im,” he said when she gave him a very worried look.

“Where is he?” Carol asked.

“Sent him back,” Daryl said, “He seemed too intent on finding ya, and I didn't want him stealing ya away.”

“Morgan?” Carol asked raising her eyebrows, and they both laughed.

“You could do worse than Morgan,” Daryl said dropping his head, and jabbed, “Ya have.”

“That was a low blow, Mr.” Carol said, but she was laughing, her cheeks had a bit of color in them. Their conversation fell into an easy rhythm for the first time in a long time.

After awhile she opened up about the stuff she had been really hiding. She told him about Lizzie killing Mika - barely getting through it because she was sobbing so hard. She told him that she had to kill Lizzie because they couldn't trust her. She told him about her confession to Tyrese and how she hoped he would shoot her. She told him about Sam, and how much she missed him. She told him about how she still missed Sophia, and how she felt like the worst mother ever for not saving her little girl. She told him how she felt she was turning hard and cold and losing herself.

Daryl wrapped his arms around her and held her. Let her cry into him until everything was out in the open. When the room fell quiet of sobs, he pulled away and held her hand, “you ok?”

“Yeah,” she said nodding and sounding surprised, and then very quietly she added, “Do you hate me?”

“Aw, Carol, no,” Daryl said shaking his head, “I love ya more than ever.”

“That's my last secret,” Carol said, “I have been in love with you for a very long time.”

Daryl grinned, and looked at her sheepishly stroking her hand, “I'm gonna kiss you,” he said nervously, and he leaned in pressing his lips tenderly to Carol's. Their first kiss. He moved back for another and she responded to his kiss by pulling him in, running her fingers through his hair. This was the way Daryl thought a kiss was supposed to taste, like it was the last good thing on earth. He pulled back rested his forehead to hers, and breathed, “I love you, so much.”

“I love you, too.” Carol said with teary eyes, but she was smiling.

“Don't leave me again,” Daryl pleaded.

“I won't,” she promised, and she meant it.

**Author's Note:**

> -So, happy ending, yay...Carol has to get fixed really fast so she can get some closure, which might not be 100% believable, but it is what it is
> 
> -I feel like Daryl would be pretty hurt & mad by everything if he found her, so hopefully that rang true.
> 
> -Daryl got Carol a horse, isn't he so sweet?
> 
> -I felt like the medicine would tie into directly saving Carol in the show but it doesn't seem like it will...does in my story though. Take that Gimple!
> 
> -Hope you liked their first kiss


End file.
